Using my words

We spent most of Boo's second year of life encouraging her to use her words.  She would become frustrated about something and would get all stompy and arm-swingy.  "Use your words; tell me what's going on and I can help you fix it."

Of course now that she's got the vocabulary of a 45 year old truck driver, we spend a lot of time telling her to hush.  I digress.

Using your words is powerful, because it means that you're able to identify and articulate what's going on in your head.  I know that when I don't have a forum--like a blog, or even a group of real life people (fancy that!)--I tend to lose focus.  There's nothing being said, so there's nothing to be done.  I've always sought outlets for expressing what's on my mind.  In the immortal words of Hedley Lamarr, "My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives."  Ditto, Hedy ("That's Hedley").

The flip side to this coin is when I have something to say about something important, but nobody is listening.  It's a given that not everybody is going to care what someone thinks all the time, but there are instances in which it's necessary to pay attention to what the stakeholders are thinking.  That really bothers me about my job--nobody ever asked me what I thought about it, or gave me a say in the matter. It just happened.  It was just decided that henceforth, I would be over there, doing that other thing.  My skillset, my background, my plans, my goals, none of that mattered.  I've spent a lot of time in the past year devising responses to the questions and conversation that I feel should have included me.

Not having a say really pissed me off.  I spent a lot of time and energy being pissed off, too.  I cared a lot about them not caring.  I was like that crazy chick in Fatal Attraction (YIKES SCARY ALEX) and I was all "well I'm not going to be ignored!" and that's quite possibly the least productive approach I could have taken.

Turns out, I was going to be ignored.  I'm likely still going to be ignored for as long as I'm there.  It's probably to my benefit if they do, as they tend to manage like seagulls.  If they're ignoring me, at least they're not screwing my stuff up even more.

Which leads me back to my topic of using my words.  My voice is powerful.  I'm funny as hell (ask anyone).  When I am at my best, I have a way of bringing the people around me to their best as well.  I am one hell of a counselor because I know how to lead a conversation toward a solution without being all bossy and Lucy Van Pelt about it (five cents, please).

Why is this relevant to organizing?  Because organization is a solution.  It's not the singular end-all, be-all solution to every problem, but sometimes just clearing a path through the chaos helps.  And I can help with that.  Clearing that path is like finding your own voice amid all the static.

I'll be your tour guide today...

I'm fairly certain that we all have a role to play during our time on earth.  Some are leaders.  Some are followers.  I?  I am The Directions Lady.  If there is a group of 50 people around me, I'm the one that a total stranger will approach and ask how to get somewhere.

Great moments in my history of giving directions include:

• Once, while riding in the car with Mr. Incredible, an impossibly hot gentleman in a sports car I couldn't even identify in the lane next to me made the universal gesture for "please roll down your window".  I did, and he asked me "Do you know how to get to Paradise?"  Now, there is a street in town called Paradise Road, and we were headed in the opposite direction from there.  And the answer that I very nearly gave him ("Honey, you better believe I do know the way...." etc) could have changed the entire course of my life (um, sorry babe).  Wisdom prevailed and I pointed him in the appropriate direction. We'll never know if HotStuff McHorsepower reached Paradise, or what he found when he arrived.  Alas.
• I have been to New York City for a total of 72 hours in my life.  On the third day, before I caught the train to DC (that sounds so very cosmopolitan, yes?) I was roaming the streets, soaking it all in.  Now, I'm not widely traveled, but being from where I'm from, I know what tourists look like, and I endeavor not to look like that.  I blend.  I decide to take a rest in Bryant Park (best public restrooms on the planet, btw) when a group of tourists (fanny packs, knee socks, maps and all) approached me.  I could hear the (likely self-appointed) leader say "She looks like she's from here, let's ask her."  I look like I'm from New York?  Really?  Made my day.  As a bonus, she was asking where something was and gave the intersection.  If you know your numbers, you can navigate Manhattan.  She's welcome.

I don't know what it is that make total strangers think I know what I'm talking about.  I just go with it.  If I don't know the answer, I'll try to find it (whipping out my phone to google something as they stand there with their phone in hand makes me feel smug beneath my altruism, truth be told).  I like it when I'm able to give legitimate help to someone who asks for it.  Professionally, I've been at my most successful when I'm in a role that includes sitting down with someone to work toward a solution.  Not every question has a black and white answer (although directions generally do...) and I've been told that I have a knack for finding the best path.

Evidently I'm approachable.  I've been told countless times that I remind people of someone they know--a relative or a roommate or some good friend from long ago.  So when people are lost (even little kids, which makes me feel warm and fuzzy) they come to the first familiar face they see, and that's me.  I'm cool with that.  Even though I'm not really a people person, it's important to me to be helpful when I can.

What's your hidden talent?  It may be so hidden that you don't even see it, but others might.  Are you a Directions Lady too?  Or can you accurately estimate how many people are in a crowd of thousands?  I have a friend who's a Bringer of Truth, and that's a valuable person to have in your circle.  Whatever it is, cultivate it.  Helping people find the right path is what led me to professional organizing, and since I started heading in this direction, things have just felt right.

Failure is not an option.

Gedankenexperiment:

PRONUNCIATION:

(guh-DAHNG-kuhn-ik-SPER-uh-muhnt)

MEANING:

noun: A thought experiment: an experiment carried out in imagination only.

(source)

What would you do if you knew you would not fail?  

I mean, besides the obvious "win the lottery" or "convince George Clooney that he should indeed get married again and that I'm perfect for him". When you're drifting off to sleep, or zoning out while standing in line at the store, or watching the clock at 3:08 PM on a Thursday, what do you think about doing? On a clear night, when you wish upon a star, what do you say?

I've always wanted to be in charge of what I did. The jobs where I succeeded the most were the jobs where I was given the autonomy to devise my own processes. I'm at my best when I am allowed to reach the end result in a manner of my choosing. I think it's a big part of why I've been struggling in my current position--even if I'd been given all the training and information in the world on this topic, it's not part of the culture here to carve out one's own path. I understand why, for the most part, given that we must maintain compliance with Federal regulations blah blah blah... but it's one more reason that this isn't where I'm supposed to be.

When I wish upon my star for that at which I cannot fail, it's for a world where nobody gets testy when I arrive at 8:03 AM or leave at 4:58PM.

My Gedankenworld (new. favorite. made-up. word) has no fluorescent lighting. We are encouraged to put holes in the walls as we decorate our spaces with things that inspire us. It smells nice because people know not to put fish in the microwave. It is a transparent world in which expectations match the reality.

The experiment I began to carry in my imagination in November 2011 has become a tangible thing--it's no longer just in my.... gedanken (which sounds a lot like badonkadonk, but I assume it's slightly higher, anatomically). I didn't know where this Get A Grip thing was going to take me, or whether it was even viable. It took months before I told anyone--even Mr Incredible wasn't in on it until recently.  

I knew I was on to something when I started thinking about blog topics, or implementation of Best Practices for the business instead of dwelling on the negative stuff that would keep me awake until the wee small hours. I just couldn't let go of this--it seems like it's what I'm supposed to be doing. So, although I never said to my wishing star, "I wish I may, I wish I might.... tell people how to clean their houses." I feel like I'm on the right track. I feel like if someone were to ask me "What's your passion?" I wouldn't just roll my eyes and think "oh shut up you freaking hippie"; I'd actually have a coherent answer.

I'm spending a lot of time putting the nuts and bolts of the business together, because the whole point of this project is to turn it into a livelihood. I'm excited to see where this is going. Big things are coming.  

This is what I am doing, because I know I will not fail.

Wishin' & Hopin' & Thinkin' & Prayin'

The last thing I want is for people to roll eyes at what I write. (Click the link, read the post, and smirk about just how much you don't relate to a word of it.)

I mean, I get that the whole self-improvement thing can easily get happy clappy, and suddenly we can see the potential awesomeness in EVERY.SINGLE.THING around us.  We look at our lives and we know that there's got to be something better that can happen.  We seek so much.  We want to have less and still somehow manage to have more.  We work hard for the money (so you better treat us right) and sometimes we get frustrated by people who seem to work less and pass us by anyway.

I'm still at the very early stages of figuring out what this Get A Grip thing is going to be.  It's very easy to sit here and write a bunch of myopic tripe on how to be perfect or better or whatever.  I could focus very specifically on one topic (I just love this chick) or I could try to cover everything in the world (God help me, I love her too).  In determining the goals for this.... project, then, I'm going to work through creating my own goals.  What do I want my world to look like when I'm not sitting here writing about how to make the world better?

I want to wake up at Not 6:30AM.

I want to have more time with my daughter out of the car doing cool things 

than I do with her in the car on the way to stuff that sucks.

I want what I do for a living to have value.

I want the time spent away from my family to be worth being away from my family.

I want to love what I do.

There's more, I'm sure.  Interesting that 3 of the 5 things that came to mind first are about time.  My time is not my own right now, and I think that's a big part of why I'm seeking a change.  I've played the game for quite long enough.  It's scary to think about letting go of the security of a state paycheck and pension, but the status quo is making me wither away (oh, the drama of it all...) and I just want more.  I need more than this.  I need to give a damn and be surrounded by people who give a damn about me giving a damn, dammit!

I don't know what else to write.  I'm sitting in my sad cube at 3:10PM on a Friday, with work to do but no interest in doing it, and no real incentive other than the prospect of some vague personal satisfaction that might spark as a result of getting something done.  All I can think of is where I'd rather be.  Not geographically, although I'm always up for some discussion about fabulous vacations.  Not personally, because I can't imagine being happier with home and family than I am now.  Professionally, though, it's wide open.  I am more than a square on the bottom of some crappy org chart.

Write Your Own Report Card

I've come to find real value in the annual job evaluation process.  It's a pain, sure, and having to revisit the successes and failures of the past year and plan for the next is never easy.  But when you are able to put it all into words, there are revelations that you don't always expect.  When given an honest effort, an annual assessment can become a real foundation for your daily operations.

Currently, my department does not perform annual evaluations.  Our resources at present do not allow for the time and effort required to go through a valid assessment process, and that's unfortunate.  I was astonished when I discovered this.  My immediate reaction was "How do we know if we're doing well?  How do we advance?" and it was kind of paralyzing.  It had been some time since I'd had a job that didn't come with the expectation of professional growth.  I'm still getting used to it. I see this situation as having two very specific components: 

1. My superiors are unconcerned about how I and my co-workers perceive our jobs.  That sounds kind of touchy-feely and needy, but really, how we see ourselves in a role that is such a significant part of our lives is important.  Employee job satisfaction is simply not something this department is willing or able to discuss.
2. My superiors are unconcerned about how I and my co-workers perceive THEIR jobs.  A good evaluation is a conversation, not just "here's what I liked; here's what I didn't".  When one staff member succeeds, it's because sufficient support exists from above, around, and below.  They're not even going to ask me this year if I have what I need to do well, and if not, how can they improve for next year.

It's disheartening.

Part of getting a grip, for me at least, is taking the words and deeds of others less personally.  Here's my chance.  This is not personal; it's business.  That's something that I have heard more than once as decisions were made and transitions were set into motion.  All righty, then. 

I'm still going to do a personal assessment.  I will honestly evaluate how I did this year.  I will make specific goals for next year, based upon my job description and expectations as I understand them to be.  I will break down the good and the bad, objectively.  I will, without commentary or accusation, assess my strengths and challenges in my current environment. 

I will be the only one who reads it.  And that's fine. There is value in how I perceive my job.

There is value in how you perceive yourself in your job, whether your job is in a corner office or in the home.  You know if you're doing well or not.  If you're not, having a plan for improvement or change can be groundbreaking.  Set goals, broad ones if you're not sure of what's coming next or specific ones if you're on a well-defined path.  Without goals, we don't grow.  When we set goals, we are envisioning an improved self.