Getting back to the center.

A week ago Sunday, Boo fell and hit her head on her bedrail (she's fine, after a run to the ER for some stitches that are already out and we've moved on to Mederma).   It was not our first trip to the ER, but it was our first encounter with a head injury and blood.  The injury itself and its aftermath knocked me off balance for the rest of the week.  I instantly became a helicopter, trying to catch her before she falls again, making that cringing intake of breath sound every time she got too close to anything that wasn't soft.  She's fearless, but evidently I felt it necessary to make up the difference.

Besides what was going on in my head, I didn't get stuff done around the house.  All I wanted to do was keep her from getting hurt again.  Don't run!  Slow down!  Be careful!  I didn't make dinner.  I didn't do laundry.  I just disconnected from the domesticity for a few days, and I'm only just now catching up.

When Something (note the intentional capital S...) happens, it's so easy to let it take over.  And that's OK for a while, I think.  We needed a few days to absorb what had happened.  It was a minor injury, yes, but there was a shocking amount of blood (YIKES) and my little girl had this awful (oh it looked TERRIBLE) wound right above her eyebrow and I was so worried about how it would heal.  There's so much to worry about, so many unknowns.  When we don't know how that Something is going to turn out, it's so tempting just to shut down.  How can we possibly think about keeping a house clean when we're so immersed in a really serious situation?

When the initial emergency is over, and you've done everything you can do to make it as OK you're able to and you've handed it over to the experts, don't drive yourself nuts reliving it.  Don't "what if" yourself to death.  You are not helping by becoming a lunatic.  Pacing a waiting room, nervously dwelling out loud about how it impacted YOU and YOUR situation is not productive, and when there is a crisis, your energy is best devoted to being productive.  Full disclosure?  Monday after Boo's accident, I think I actually made things worse by being so agitated.  I couldn't sit still, so neither could she.  At the end of the day, we were both utterly worn out.  We would have been better served by me not trying to protect her from the entire universe and just allowing her to establish her own pace (as long as she wasn't running STOP RUNNING OMG SLOW DOWN!!!).


It's hard to let go, to relinquish the care of a loved one.  I felt terrible guilt that the person who was able to make Boo all better wasn't me (although he was a very nice PA who has a 3 year old himself, and admitted to keeping a suture kit at home because these things happen).  I lost sight of the fact that making sure she was OK was the important part--we made sure she was OK.  We got her into the hands of the right people in an incredibly short amount of time.  Mr Incredible (who totally lived up to that moniker) and I were a team, and we each played our role to the best of our abilities.  And when we were calm (at least on the surface in the ER), she was calm.  There was such relief in that realization.

There is also comfort, at least for me, in routines.  I think I rediscovered my schedule on about Thursday, and it was so helpful to me to have an identifiable starting point.  "Today, I clean the bathrooms and I will do a load of laundry and I will deal with the pile in the kitchen (that was out.of.control) as my one extra thing."  And it worked.  I didn't spend time wondering how it would all get done.  It will all get done.  And we are OK.  And Boo is OK too.

All her eggs (and mine...) in one basket.

ICE (In Case of Emergency): What's your plan?

In the last month, we've had 2 trips to the ER (minor stuff, but still emergent/after hours, etc).  The first trip was because Boo's croup had taken a turn and we were suddenly dealing with a bad fever that was only going up.  She's so rarely sick; we simply weren't prepared to deploy.  Once we made the decision to take her to the ER, we spent a good 20 minutes gathering, running up and down the stairs, checking and double-checking things, going back into the house for one more thing... you get the idea.  It was much more stressful than it needed to be.

Yesterday, I dropped a glass and ended up with a "lacerated" (the very word makes me cringe) finger that needed more attention than we could give it at home, so off we went again.  Here's why we weren't scrambling this time:

• My drivers license, debit card, and insurance card were in my wallet, not just tossed back into my purse after their last use.  Do you know where yours are?  Get up, right now, and put them where they go.  This departure was a bit easier simply because I'd spent some time getting a grip on the contents of my purse.
• Triage at home:  we don't have a traditional first aid kit, but the top drawer in our bathroom is organized.  Bandages are in a Ziploc bag, antibiotic ointment is right there, etc. 
• On the way to the hospital, my husband and I devised a strategy (it sounds so Mission: Impossible...).  "I'll drop you off at the door.  You go check in, I'll park the car and bring Boo."  By the time they got inside, I was in triage (this is largely due to the ER staff being organized too.  Rock on!).
• No time to line up a sitter?  Have a go-bag ready with stuff to keep the kid occupied.  I have a folder on my phone labeled "Boo", and it's full of apps that are just for her.  We were glad to have it, because Pop Pop Popcorn bought us 10 minutes of distraction so we could take care of the business at hand.  I keep a handful of crayons and a notebook in my purse (hi, I'm Mary Poppins, nice to meet you, even when my purse is manageable) because coloring is always OK with Boo.
• We knew the answers to their questions.  Pop quiz:  What's your deductible?  What's the dosage of any medication you regularly take?  Do you have a living will/advance directive?  If you don't know offhand, write it down somewhere or put it in your phone.   
• We stayed calm.  Going to the ER is one of those super-loaded events where you're in a heightened sense of awareness and everything can seem so much more intense than it really is.  Once you get there, though, you're where you need to be.  You're going to get the help you need, so it's OK to exhale, roll your shoulders back, and let the help happen.  

Your ICE plan doesn't have to be something written down, unless that's what works for you.  Take a minute and identify the closest ER or Urgent Care Clinic (make a note of their business hours...) to your home.  Think about what's involved in getting out of the house quickly if you needed to, and start streamlining that process.  You may never need to deploy (one of my new favorite words!), but if you do, having a grip on it will be a good feeling.